Napoleon Dynamite Is More Coordinated Than I Am.

I went to the gym today and did my usual Body Pump class (which is 55 minutes long), but I got cocky (or panicked that I won’t reach my goal by the end of March) so I decided to take the BodyJam class (video posted below) right afterwards.

Um yeah, I suck.

I thought I was pretty clever going to the back of the class so I wouldn’t embarrass myself in front of everybody. Unfortunately all the other uncoordinated people had the same idea. It was hard enough trying to keep my own rhythm and avoid the spacey, fruit-loop, retard who kept bumping into me. I had to move out of her way three times. Finally I just went to a completely different area, but somehow she found me again. Bump!

 My body does not move the way the instructor wanted it to. My hips are not slinky, I don’t think they’ve ever been. I’m more of a short and compact kind of chick. I’m not fluid. The worst part is the instructor was trying be nice and help me, but because of this she was making me the center of attention.

I got excited when we started because they played Canned Heat and began doing the Napoleon Dynamite dance.  I’m thinking, “yeah, I can do this, sweet.” No, no I freaking can’t. Even Napoleon Dynamite is more coordinated than I am.

I was 30min. into a 55 min. class and decided I was going to sneak out. Oh no, the instructor was not gonna let me sneak out. She had to announce that I was sneaking out by saying, “Oh are you sneaking out?”. Why yes, teacher, yes I am, thank you very much. Oh well, live and learn, maybe I’ll take that class another time, but for now I’ll stick to BodyPump and BodyStep classes.

The song below is Shakira-Hips Don’t Lie. It reminds me of back in the day when I used to go to this club called Cafe Sevilla in downtown San Diego and take their Salsa and Merengue classes. Oh I had so much fun. I would always get picked over and my girlfriends would get the cute, young boys, but I didn’t care because the old men were the ones who knew how to dance. They had it going on. They were the ones I got and I’m glad. (no it’s not because I was a dork, shut up!)


  1. “Slinky” doesn’t just happen for most people. Most have to learn it. A friend of mine jumped into a bunch of different programs after her divorce. One of them was a belly dancing class. I don’t remember her as particularly coordinated before, but now she likes to show of her moves to everybody when she gets a little tipsy.

  2. That’s a good idea will. I think I will drink before my next aerobics class.

  3. You had to take a class to learn how to use this??

    What the hell?

  4. Whaaaat?

    You’ll just think of any excuse to link something like that.

  5. We are here to *CLAP* pump you up!!

  6. We’re hanz and franz

  7. He’s hanz…I’m franz

  8. You two would make a great pair. Like chocolate and peanut butter, like Abbot and Costello, like a car with tires, like a toilet with working plumbing. You two were meant to be.

  9. That’s why we’re BFF!!!

  10. I know, maybe you two should be the ones to get the necklace, You know the one that’s two halfs of a heart? It’d be like when you were together you’d be whole. Aw, I’m melting just thinking about it.

  11. I teared up….really….so touching….

  12. PJM do you remember that song by Toto Roseana? I have been singing it all morning but putting in Rosetta’s name

  13. hahahaha, um, you might get rosetta excited.

    All I wanna do when I wake up the morning’s to see your eyes, rosetta, rosetta.

  14. lol! Thats it! Meet you all the way…Rosetta yeah…lmoa

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