What To Do If You Catch Your Son Spanking His Monkey

Thanks to Abbadon’s parents for the home movie.

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78 Comments

  1. My mom just told me to try to keep it under five times a day.

  2. Bwahahahahaha!

    Ricky’s mom is a MILF! I’ll bet he’s got a raging Oedipus Complex now that he’s in his late forties…

  3. My mom just told me to try to keep it under five times a day.
    Kinda hard to do with all that internet porn huh?

    Ricky’s mom is a MILF! I’ll
    She looks baked out of her mind in that still shot doesn’t she?

  4. White Milfs On Dope…

  5. Every conversation in that house between mom and son will now be rife with sexual subtext.

    “Mom, can you help me get the wrinkles out of this.”

    “Ricky, we need to get something straight between us.”

  6. Ricky, go to your room, young man! AND DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!

  7. I know what you were doing Ricky. Your father does that all the time too. Ever since you were born, it’s like he doesn’t want to touch me anymore.

    That’s why I’m sleeping with your Uncle Timmy. And if you don’t tell your father about that, I won’t say anything to your little girlfriend about this, deal?

  8. Oooooh, Ricky, I saw what you were doing there. And it looks to me like you are doing it all wrong.

    Here, let me show you how your supposed to do that….

  9. “I take a very hands on approach to my son’s development.”

  10. Ricky, is that Mommy’s copy of Playgirl your looking at?

  11. Ricky? Is that Lance under the covers with you?

  12. […] Ricky’s mom catches him ….. um…… doing it. […]

  13. Well, Ricky, at least you stopped having your sister do that for you. That’s something, I guess.

    I’m going to go start dinner now. Please be sure to wash your hands really, really well before you come down to set the table, mmkay?

  14. One way or another, Ricky was scarred for life. Hell, the ACTOR playing Ricky was probably scarred for life.

  15. I’m scarred for life too. ick blech

  16. That actor?

    Neil Patrick Harris

  17. I prefer the version where the mom walks in and Ricky is snorting blow off a dead hooker’s ass.

  18. That would be ‘Pinto’s home movies

  19. It feels good, doesn’t it, Ricky? Yessssss, really, really good, huh? Yesssssssss

  20. Disturbing. Very disturbing.

  21. I HATE ALL GODFUCKS BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT THE FUTURE ISLAMIC AMERICA WILL BE A PRETTY GOOD THING. I’LL ACCEPT ISLAM BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY RELIGION THAT HAS EVOLVED CLOSE TO THE 21ST CENTURY.

    Michael Hodges makes a perfect case on how an all Islamic world will be a much better one! I, for one, will gladly don a burka if it means no *spit* Christian Capitalists reich wingers are around to foul my world.

    A 100% Islamic world will not be some reich wingers paranoid fantasy. Instead it will be better for:

    Public health:

    The Muslim act of prayer is designed to keep worshippers fit, their joints supple and, at five times a day, their stomachs trim. The regular washing of the feet and hands required before prayers promotes public hygiene and would reduce the transmission of superbugs in London’s hospitals.

    Alcohol is haram, or forbidden, to Muslims. Turning all the city’s pubs into juice bars would have a massive positive effect on public health. Forbid alcohol throughout the country, and you’d avoid all of the alcohol-related deaths and the national bill for alcohol-related crime.

    Ecology:

    ‘The world is green and beautiful,’ said the prophet Muhammad, ‘and Allah has appointed you his guardian over it.’ The Islamic concept of halifa or trusteeship obliges Muslims to look after the natural world and Muhammad was one of the first ever environmentalists, advocating hima – areas where wildlife and forestry are protected. So we could expect more public parks under Islam, but halifa also applies to recycling!

    Food:

    Application of halal (Arabic for ‘permissable’) dietary laws across America would free us at a stroke from our addiction to junk food, and the general adoption of a south Asian diet rich in fruit juice, rice and vegetables with occasional mutton or chicken would have a drastic effect on obesity, hyperactivity, attention deficit disorders and all associated public health problems. Not eating would be important as well. The annual fasting month of Ramadan instils self-discipline, courtesy and social cohesion. And Americans would heroically benefit philosophically and physically from even a short period when we weren’t constantly ramming food into our mouths.

    Arts:

    All of the finest art in America and England is already Islamic. Islamic influences have flourished in all areas of the arts, with novelists, comedians (Birmingham-born Shazia Mirza was an instant hit on the London circuit), and music (from rappers Mecca2Medina (LOVE “EM!) on, to the less in-your-face Yusuf Islam)

    Race relations:

    Under Islam all ethnicities are equal! Once you have submitted to Allah you are a Muslim!!!! It doesn’t matter what colour you are. End of story.

    BRING ON THE UNITED STATES OF ISLAM!!!!!!!!!!

  22. WTF?

    Clean up on aisle six!!!

    To quote Cranky — “Disturbing. Very disturbing.”

  23. Head chopping is so very evolved.

    Freak.

  24. Clean up on aisle six!!!

    Hahahahaha!!

    I for one agree with kayinmaine. I especially like the part where homosexuals are killed and women are subhuman.

    You don’t get more evolved than that.

  25. kayinmaine rhymes with kayinsane.

    Coincidence??!?

    Prolly.

  26. I especially like the “self-discipline, courtesy and social cohesion” that manifests itself through public floggings and rioting.

    Good times.

  27. “Under Islam all ethnicities are equal!”

    Short bus alert! Short bus alert!

  28. What about the rules on ahl al-dhimmah?

    And why are you talking about the US but refer to the UK in the details? There’s a small pond separating them. And they tend to be quite different.

  29. If Islam is so great, why are Muslim countries such hellholes?

  30. If Islam is so great, why are Muslim countries such hellholes?

    Bad luck?

  31. “But, the goats, they are so beautiful!”

    • “There’s a boy across the river with a bottom like a peach
      But alas, I cannot swim………………….”

      Persian (Iranian poem

  32. I just like how Ricky’s poster says “Make love, not war”- Doesn’t say anything about having a partner tho.

  33. >>>>>”Arts:

    All of the finest art in America and England is already Islamic. Islamic influences have flourished in all areas of the arts, with novelists, COMEDIANS……..”

    HaHaHaHaHa!!!!

    Muslim Comedians…..

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    TO KILL INFIDELS!!!!!!

  34. Something about everything on this blog message is just a bit bizzarrrrre!!!!

    Besides, I don’t own a monkey, how could my son spank it???? I don’t even like it when he spanks the dog!!!

    Am I on the right blog?? Does my butt look big???? Where do you even get monkey’s now a day????

  35. OMG. That’s something else!

  36. man! I miss you!

  37. I half expected Mom to tell him to carry on and stand there to watch. Musta been some good weed.

  38. Thanks to Abbadon’s parents for the home movie.

    Aw, PJM, you’re the best sister ever. But thank mom and dad yourself. I’ve never forgiven them for encouraging me to masturbate, which effectively ended our little “playtimes” together.

  39. I’ve seen that before.

    Though, in the version I saw, “mom” takes it on herself to do some hands-on training.

    But seriously, WTF? Is that some sort of PSA?

  40. That poor teen looked so very… disinterested… to be doing what he was doing. I think he and his mom were sharing the bong.

    OMG. Familial math time…
    If Abbadon + PJ = brother + sister
    And PJ + kare kare fare fare = sisters
    Then Abbadon + kare kare fare fare = brother and sister
    So Abbadon has been flirting with and hitting on his sister this whole time? Man, you really are going to Hell in a handbasket. :P

  41. But seriously, WTF? Is that some sort of PSA?
    I have no flippin clue. Found it on youtube. Gotta love it.

    If Abbadon + PJ = brother + sister
    And PJ + kare kare fare fare = sisters

    Gasp! no! only kare kare and pj are related………….as far as I know.

  42. Twas merely my way of poking fun back at PJM for her little joke in the post…

    Although what’s wrong with a little adult incest? It keeps the family together…

  43. Although what’s wrong with a little adult incest? It keeps the family together…

    What’s wrong? Honey, the fact that your penis is so small that I swear to GOD it was actually larger when you were born is just for starters. I won’t even begin to discuss how your “sister”, Bobbie, gives me waaaaaay better head than you EVER did.., well, ever since he she had her operation….

    Seriously, dear, if I were you, I would not be so quick to want to talk about incest so much. Honestly, you were just never that good.

  44. Well, “Mom”, maybe that’s because you were never that sexy…

  45. Of course, if I were Wiserbud, I wouldn’t be so quick to assume the identity of the opposite sex, given his homophobia and all.

  46. yes, dear. I know. That’s what we used to say in front of all your friends, isn’t it?

    Well, all your “friend,” anyway.

  47. Wouldn’t promoting public hygiene include using toilet paper instead of rocks and then washing one’s hands? And what is up with washing your knarly feet before prayers when they just get dirty again walking to the prayer room, unless it is to spare the guy behind you from the stench? In which case, shouldn’t you a scrub out your ass crack too ?
    And to talk about superbugs in UK hospitals…it is the dimwit muslima med students who refuse to abide the hygiene rules and scrub to the elbow because their backward religion takes preference over the public health.

  48. I’d like to turn one of Kay’s little delightful quotes into a joke:
    How many Democratic Presidents does it take to mess up our schools, healthcare, and nation? JUST ONE!

    (Kay: We’ve ONLY had ONE Democratic president since 1980 and this is why our schools, healthcare, and our nation is messed up as a whole. See?)

  49. By the way, the “kayinmaine” above is not me. It’s a right winger who loves George Bush and who is mad at me because I don’t share his feelings on the subject. See?

  50. There seem to be a lot of impostors on this thread, Kay. Bullshit seems to be the Hostages’ stock-in-trade.

  51. yes, dear. I know. That’s what we used to say in front of all your friends, isn’t it?

    Well, all your “friend,” anyway.

    Take it somewhere else, Wiserbud. Quit being a dick.

  52. Now, dear, be nice to your little friends or mommy will have to put you in the box again.

  53. That’s really weird kayinmaine. It’s creepy in fact. And I notice they do their commenting out of the public library. How nice.

  54. Twas merely my way of poking fun back at PJM for her little joke in the post…

    I got it. Thought it was funny. Decided to tease you about all the kare kare flirting when you teased PJ about being her brother.

    Although what’s wrong with a little adult incest? It keeps the family together…

    First: yuck. Second: That topic gets you into trouble every time. :)

  55. That is just wrong…on so many levels.

  56. First: yuck. Second: That topic gets you into trouble every time. :)

    Yeah, I can’t believe how many people are grossed out by the very thought. I love it…

    I feel like Jim Morrison onstage trying to incite a riot…

  57. Abbadon, so you’re being a puddin’ stick? I would never have thought it of you. ;)

  58. Yeah, you knows me, sweet as can be. Far be it from me to stir shit up…

  59. So what do you do if you catch your son? Hope he doesn’t kill the family dog. That has got to be one of the most bizzarre PSAs I’ve ever seen.

  60. Who knew destroying your life would feel so good!

    Can we just do it until we need glasses???

  61. what do do ……? call the humane society?

  62. That has got to be one of the most bizzarre PSAs I’ve ever seen.
    Who knew destroying your life would feel so good!

    So, so bizarre. I think I should subscribe. :)

  63. Is this a new post?

  64. Brand. spankin’. new.

  65. Spank me momma. I’ve been a bad boy…

  66. Abbadon! You’re naughty!

    I’m gonna have to send my minion kare-kare to spank you.

  67. COOL!

    :oD>

  68. I’m finally on a computer where I can view that video. Truly, truly, disturbing.

  69. Hey, go bag on your own home movies, Beans ‘n’ Franks…

  70. There are several problems with that video:

    1) He was daydreaming, not even looking at a “Massive Hooters” magazine

    2) His blanket wasn’t moving, is he so stupid to think that just holding it would do something?

    3) He didn’t have his sister’s favorite Barbie doll outfit to clean up the mess

    4) Mom was too articulate to be on the Valiums she looked like she was on

  71. What peoblems ?

    1) I don’t think “Massive Hooters” is that good a rag. I much prefer “Horse and Hound” for those intimate moments.

    2) “Just holding it” does it for me…. every time ;)

    3) … because his sister was wearing it while bouncing up and down on Daddy’s knee.

    4) That movie was dubbed.

    *kicks abbadon in the shins (I’m really getting to like this !… Thanks people :) )

  72. There are several problems with that video:

    You know too much for your own good Mr. Minority. I think you should prolly shoot a masturbation public video to replace this one. You know, just to make it factual and all. :)

    *kicks abbadon in the shins (I’m really getting to like this !… Thanks people :) )

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

  73. 2) “Just holding it” does it for me…. every time ;)

    Especially if mom’s doing the holding??

    :oD>

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

    I bet we can make something else hurt, and not from laughing…

    :o/>

  74. Someone tell kayinmaine to shut the f**k up.

    I know what an Islamic society looks like and it is no paradise….

    Religion and shit have common origins: both spewed forth from someone’s ass…

  75. The Islamic world is like a sewer. Besides, Sharia Law violates every clause in the US Constitution!

  76. True that.

  77. I think you should prolly shoot a masturbation public video to replace this one.

    Would you hold the camera for me PJM?

    *wink, wink, nod, nod*


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