I think Mommypie has just turned me into a country music fan.

 Cute song called, “Hot Mama” by Trace Adkins. Although it’s sweet to see him drool over his wife so much, at least once in this video I’d like to see him smack his kids upside the head.

[UPDATE] Now that I think about it, that guy doesn’t do jack to help his wife with the kids. What an ass. Who cares if he’s drooling over his wife? Help with the kids dammit!

Will I Use This Photo Against Him Later? You Betcha

sleepy gavin

Is he still on the floor? You betcha. I learned a long time ago not to mess with sleeping Gavins.

*poor kid has his mom’s fashion sense

bitchface and kare-kare, but mostly kare-kare cuz she’s the real bitchface

There’s a cockroach by my bedroom door

Interesting, it wasn’t there before

Giggles from another room

I wait, revenge won’t come too soon

I knock at the offender’s door

In goes the cockroach, much to her horror

The scope of my sister’s revenge I did not know

Until in my room, 1000 ladybugs did show

Those muther-effers bite


Why Can’t Pretty Girls Smile?

So I went to the zoo today for my daughter’s field trip. I parked and found my daughter in line and decided to observe her unnoticed. What I saw was the sweetest thing. It made my heart melt.

My 6 year old girl was standing forehead touching forehead with a little boy and they were making each other laugh and laugh. They adored each other.

Madeleine’s teacher came up to me and said, “that’s Wesley, that’s Madeleine’s boyfriend.” I said, it is? The teacher said, “well Wesley’s mom says she is, but that Madeleine doesn’t know she’s his girlfriend”. I told the teacher,  I wasn’t sure about that because I thought she liked Maxwell. The teacher said, “oh everybody likes Maxwell”.

Madeleine finally saw me and I went over to her. When Wesley found out who I was, he said to me a sentence I hope I’ll never forget. He looked me in the eyes and said so sweetly and so proudly of his girl, “Madeleine sure is a great joke teller”.

YES! YES! Oh that’s the greatest thing. Please, please Madeleine when you grow up, marry the boy that makes you laugh. The one that makes you happy. The one that makes your heart beat just a little bit faster when you find out he’s on his way home. I couldn’t ask for anything more for my girl. Don’t go for the boy that everyone wants, just because he’s pretty. Go for the one that brings you joy. Marry your friend. If he’s considered a “dork” by society’s standards, who cares sweetheart? Who cares?

I can think of few things more calming to the soul than laughter. Of course, as an over-thinker this got me going. I was at the zoo looking at all the pretty women there and every single one of them had something in common. They couldn’t smile. None of  them. The M.I.L.F’s, the 20 something’s that will grow up to be M.I.L.F’s and the teenagers all had the same pouty, miserable expression.

When did pouty become beautiful? The look of “yeah, I’m hot and you can’t have me” was so prevalent among them. Bleh. I actually feel sorry for them because they must not know the pleasure of laughing so hard your stomach aches. Of just……….guffawing.

What happened in our world that made our idea of beauty go from the happy pin-up girl to the stern angular faced models we have today?

Ah, nevermind. Doesn’t matter to me. I’m content here laughing my ass off.

smile damnit!




Revenge, While Rare And Pathetic, Makes Me Incredibly Happy

My younger sister kare-kare by fare-fare and I never really hung out much when we were younger. We have almost a 5 year age difference between us and didn’t have a lot in common. I think we started to bond after we’d both became mothers and could share our extreme annoyances regarding our children with each other.

Kare-kare had been drinking with her hubby one fine evening and invited me to come over and play. She and I challenged each other to a drinking contest, but there was twist. She and I had both instructed her husband privately to put only water in our own shot glasses and vodka in the other’s. We both wanted to win this contest and watch smugly as the other sister puked her guts out later. We might even be nice enough to hold the others hair to avoid any chunkage. Yeah, right.

The whole evening I’m thinking kare-kare’s getting more and more plastered as she downs her shots of vodka, while I easily pound my “vodka” and she’s thinking the same of me.

Yeah, well apparently someone had been drinking long before I showed up because even after pounding shots of water for about a 1/2 hour, kare-kare passed out anyways.

The only time I can exact any sort of revenge on her is if she’s stone cold passed out. I went to work.

I wanted to put “Eat Me”, but yes, I felt that would be too mean. She doesn’t know this is on her face when the picture was taken.

Naked Skydiving: It Cracks Me The Heck Up

Hah, you thought it was going to be women skydivers didn’t you? Tool.

Just Move Into The Neighborhood? How To Meet Your Neighbors

Yes, it’s Garren again. It’s always Garren.

 Notice again he has his onesie buttoned outside his pants? It’s not hoo-hah touching proof, but it does slow down the process.

I told the neighbors it was ok to break the child, but please don’t break my chair. I’ve had it since childhood, so it’s sentimental you know.