If My Kids Wanted An Organized Mother They Should Have Thought Of That Before They Were Born

My kids, like any other kid need to be exercised, pretty much like a pet does. They got ripped off the first part of summer because of my surgery. It’s only lately that I’ve been taking them to the local pool.

This local pool is actually about 40 min away because it’s the only one with a baby pool and this way I don’t have to get in the pool with Gavin. I have dissolvable stitches and told the kids my stomach would flop open and my guts would fall out if they got wet. What? It could be true, I don’t know.

I feel really bad for the kids being so bored. It just didn’t dawn on me that I would be incapacitated for so dang long, so I didn’t plan ahead for things to keep them busy. I have a couple girlfriends who enroll their kid in every single vacation bible school they can find regardless of religious affiliation. It’s free and they take your kids all day. I can’t bring myself to do that. We’ll see by the end of summer how crazy they’re driving me. I might be tempted to take them to live in a hippie commune by then.

Anyhoo, it took me a while to get motivated to take them yesterday. The pool’s open from 1-6 and we got there about 3. I had to stop and get a hat because it’s hotter than a mofo out there and I don’t need any more freckles. I also got the kids Chik-fil-A kids meals because I had a free coupon. There’s no way I could afford 4 kids’ meals without that coupon.

And this is how the day at the pool went.

arrive, lifeguard kindly brings me a chair so I can sit by the baby pool.

puts sunscreen on kids, sets up beach towels, makes sure everyone has their drinking water and puts their shoes over by me. puts swim pants on Gavin and sets everyone loose

kids hop into the pool.

lifeguard immediately blows whistle and says, “Alright, everybody out of the pool. Break time.”

15 minutes later lifeguard blows the whistle signaling free swim

everybody gets back in the pool

hour later lifeguard blows whistle break time

15 minutes later lifeguard blows the whistle signaling free swim

1 minute later the lifeguard blows the whistle

“Everybody out of the pool, lightning.”

I can’t wait till we can go to the beach.

 

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64 Comments

  1. Vacation Bible School is free? I had no idea. I’m gonna go find my kids some VBS…

  2. Bible schools are FREE?
    They must not be Catholic.

    Amen,
    Deb

  3. Ummm I would be taking that whistle away from the lifeguard…

  4. vbs is cool here, lunch snacks and free crafts, i may go

  5. So, if you shoved the lifeguard’s whistle up where the sun don’t shine, would he whistle when he passed gas?? This is one of life’s little mysteries.

  6. “I have dissolvable stitches and told the kids my stomach would flop open and my guts would fall out if they got wet.”

    Sooooo…. How many times since the surgery have you bathed?

    Heh.

  7. Back in the day, we had to entertain ourselves. Go figure.

  8. Back when I was a kid I only went to our churches VBS.
    And as BIW said entertained myself the rest of the summer shooting stuff with my bb gun, going to the local sporting goods store to buy more bb’s etc.

  9. BiW, I’m guessing since you and your wife both work, your kids go to daycare? They get exercised there. Or maybe they go to preschool? They get exercised there. They get to run around and play with lots of little boys and girls. Entertaining yourself is different than getting to run around and get your wiggles out. Playing Barbies, playing with play-dough, shooting BB guns, building science kits does not burn all that energy kids have. It’s been 95 degrees here and the humidity is ugly.

    And in addition, back in the day, we could just wander around outside and nobody paid much attention. It just ain’t the same anymore as back in the day.

    Plus, we have a registered sex offender in my neighborhood. I generally like to give them the benefit of the doubt because I don’t know if they were a 19 year old dating a 17 year old and the parents got pissy and decided to get him in trouble.

    Our happy little predator is over 50 and did something with someone under 12 and had child porn on him.

    shooting stuff with my bb gun, going to the local sporting goods store to buy more bb’s etc.
    You did this by yourself at ages 6, 4 and 2?

    Sooooo…. How many times since the surgery have you bathed?

    Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! They don’t know I take showers.

    San Diego Momma? hahahahaha, you’re prolly right. I haven’t checked them out here. I will say that if you go deeeeeeeeep into East County there’s plenty of free Catholic VBS’. I’m sure you know what a blast it is in East County in 100 degree heat.

  10. Alice H, I honestly don’t know if they’re free or not, but the two mothers in my area I know who do this say they are.

    KD and MCPO, I might just do that with the lifeguard next time.

  11. Plus, we have a registered sex offender in my neighborhood

    Oh shoot, I know me and the kids were scheduled to come visit but I just realized I have to pick up dry cleaning that day.

    *shreds plane ticket*

  12. When we were kids, we didn’t get exercised by anyone. We spent the good part of most days outside in the fenced yard, and on super hot ones, we either hung out in front of the tv or played in the corners of our rooms. Not much relief from the heat as we didn’t have AC.

  13. We’re not jewish, but we used to send my daughter to the Jewish Community Center summer camp. It was really well run! And she got exposed to some weird-to-us relligious cultural ceremonies every Friday afternoon. (She still picks on me for putting her through that!)

    I can’t shake the image of your stomach flopping open at the pool. Ewwww.

  14. PJM,
    You are right on all points. The world is different now, and 6! I cannot remember that far back! My memory’s start at around 12, before that just snapshots, and not so many.
    If I had someone like that in my neighbor hood, my kids would not go outside. I would also make sure he did not live in the neighborhood much longer. It could get ugly.

  15. played in the corners of our rooms

    hahahaha! I remember the corner of my room very well. Everything you said was the same for me as well, but we did go to the beach and local pool a lot during the summer. I want my kids worn out. I’m alone with them about 12-15 hours a day 6 days a week (I have a 90 lb dog and a handgun and a rifle I’m not afraid to use and really, extremely involved (nosy) neighbors, so perverts don’t even think about it) and if I let them rot in front of the TV like I remember doing, they (one in particular actually) will be bouncing off the walls.

    I would also make sure he did not live in the neighborhood much longer.
    rumor has it that his house has been egged and paintballed quite a few times. It’s never happened while I’ve lived here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it had.

    I can’t shake the image of your stomach flopping open at the pool. Ewwww.

    You know, in some parts of the world pjmomma’s intestines would be considered a delicacy.

  16. Kare-kare – Florida is an open carry state. Just take a walk with your young’uns past his house while wearing a .357 on your hip. That should deliver the message.

  17. MCPO,
    In the past Fl may have been open carry, but now it is strictly forbidden. (your own property or place of business excepted) However concealed carry is very easy and protected. (but does not work so well for what you are suggesting)

    Paintball and eggs????? I did that as a teen to people I liked! Bricks and flaming stuff is a good start.

  18. Vmax- Can’t believe Florida is going the way of New York. Maybe if all of those New Yorkers went home. . .

  19. MCPO,
    The state is very firearm friendly, however local law enforcement varies. But open carry is out. I was sitting in church sunday, and counted 5 people that had bulges over their right hips!

  20. Vmax – here’s the skinny on my state. . .
    http://opencarry.org/pa.html

  21. MCPO,
    Under Florida law, (it has been a few years I think this is correct) states that one must carry a firearm securely encased in your vehicle. Securely encased is defined as in a unlocked glove box or center console, in a zippered case, or a snapped holster. The case and holster can be anywhere in the vehicle.
    Concealed carry you can carry anywhere except schools, and government places, bars, or get this crack houses, houses of prostitution, or a place of illegal gambling.

  22. With the exception of the liberals in Philly and Pittsburgh, the Commonwealth is supportive of 2nd Amendment rights.

  23. MCPO,
    East or west Pa? Is Pa a Rifle or Shotgun state? (for deer)

  24. lifeguard kindly brings me a chair so I can sit by the baby pool.

    puts sunscreen on kids, sets up beach towels, makes sure everyone has their drinking water and puts their shoes over by me. puts swim pants on Gavin and sets everyone loose

    Flat stomach + HUGE boobs = Extra attention by males.

    It’s a simple formula, really, because we males are quite simple when it comes to sex and the desiring thereof.

  25. As usual Abbadon has it right

  26. It’s a simple formula, really, because we males are quite simple when it comes to sex and the desiring thereof

    NO! They’re just being nice thankyouverymuch :P
    I can promise you teenaged boys are not interested in me. I’m a cow by their standards

  27. ooohhh!
    so PJM has the pool boy thing going, or cabana boy or sumthin

  28. I might be tempted to take them to live in a hippie commune by then.

    We actually did live on a hippie commune in Mexico for a while, luckily i was so young i don’t have any real memory of it. By the time i was in elementary school, we lived in apartments and the pool was always the place to hangout in the summer. And we would go by ourselves, no parental supervision. Guess you can’t do that these days.

  29. Forged,
    I was raised in a very religious family. Consequently I have lived in a commune more than once. I am neutral on that, but am rather la ze fare on everything else. I did make a lot of friends there.

  30. Vmax – South Central – in the shadow of South Mountain and McClure’s Gap.
    Bow, Blackpowder and Rifle. I’ve got 6 lbs of backstrap left and that is it. :-(

  31. We actually did live on a hippie commune in Mexico for a while, luckily i was so young i don’t have any real memory of it.

    Hah, I was actually tempted to go live on a hippie commune when I was a teenager. I’d had a few friends from my high school go. We learned about this commune at Earth Day in Balboa Park. I signed up for their mailing list and found out many years later, my parents threw away the mail from them before I ever saw it.

    They were called Zendik Farms I’m so glad I never went with them. ick

  32. MCPO,
    I have a relative that lives in State College he does golf stuff. I’ll hook you up with him if you want. He sells memberships? to clubs. (remembering that you are a golfer)
    I like deer sausage, jerky and sausage. I have had many people tell me about how good steaks are, but it all takes gamy to me. However to supplement stuff you cannot beat it.

  33. MCPO,
    Do you do bow? I have won a few tournaments with my bear polar. Never hunted with it.

    PJM,
    JPUSA and YWAM
    Jesus people USA Chicago, and Youth with a Mission. YWAM did good stuff.

  34. JPUSA and YWAM
    Jesus people USA Chicago, and Youth with a Mission. YWAM did good stuff.

    wha?

  35. Communes

  36. oic

    :)

  37. Naw – Browning A-Bolt II using the .270 Win. cartridge

  38. MCPO,
    I have many military rifles and 2 Whetherby’s 1 in 300 Wmag and 1 in 30’06. I love my Leopould VX-III and VX-V.

  39. M-1 Garand.

  40. Actually, got rid of all my guns because it was just a pain living in the barracks and keeping them in the arms room. Never got back into it. Now, lemme see:
    M-1, Mini-14, SKS (bad sear, went full auto every time I fired it), AK, 10-22, Ruger MK1 .22-250, Ruger 77 .300WMag, S&W 645,4506,1006, Colt Trooper 3, Ruger GP100, Star PD .45, Remington 870, and a cheap Sears single shot 12ga. I’m sure I’m forgetting one or two.

  41. Xbrad,
    That is high on my list of next rifle. That or a scout rifle like this
    http://www.fulton-armory.com/MARifles.htm#FA-FFL-Mark-14

  42. V, carried an M-21 for a while in the 25th ID. Loved it. Really wanted an M1A1 from Springfield, but just couldn’t part with the money. No way was I gonna buy a Norinco knockoff. I’ll post a pic of my (old, beat up) Garand at my place.

  43. You were in the 25th!
    I had a crazy boss that was a vietnam vet, ssgt. from 25th. Used to say he had a get out of jail free card. Diagnosed with ptsd. Made me nervous. Not that he had ptsd or anything, but that he walked around saying the get out of jail free card.

  44. 25th ID, 1st AD, 4th ID.

  45. Vmax – does the law actually say “crack house”?

  46. Alice you can actually understand what they’re saying? You’re my idol. They lost me quite a few comments ago.

  47. NO! They’re just being nice thankyouverymuch :P
    I can promise you teenaged boys are not interested in me. I’m a cow by their standards

    Yeah, right! Did you check to see if the pool boy was choking his chicken in the cabana afterwards??

    I bet he was…

  48. So the Zendik people are so batshit crazy even California thew them out???

  49. They’re really weird from what I remember. and I was so.ready. to. go

  50. pjmomma, I’m referring to several comments back when Vmax was talking about where handguns are restricted. I don’t understand military speak either. We’ll just sit over here and giggle behind our hands at the handsome men in uniform and bat our eyes at them.

  51. hahahaha.

    I tried, I honestly tried, but then I really freaking lost interest.

    *yawn

    *stretch
    oh a man in a uniform!
    titter, titter, lol, tee hee

    I really, really diig your pictures by the way.

  52. oh a man in a uniform!

    I thought the cabana boy was your prey today? Hard to keep up with you cougars…

    *running and ducking*

  53. “BiW, I’m guessing since you and your wife both work, your kids go to daycare?”

    They go to Papa and Nana’s. In the summer, that means swimming, riding bikes and scooters, rollerskating, swinging, playing in the woods, and generally LIVING outside.

    Hell. Their days are a lot more fun than mine.

  54. […] to speak Army I left a comment over at Pajama Momma’s place that went right over her […]

  55. PJ, PA, my comment was shorthand. Here you go:

    http://xbradtc.wordpress.com/2008/06/26/how-to-speak-army/

  56. They go to Papa and Nana’s. In the summer, that means swimming, riding bikes and scooters, rollerskating, swinging, playing in the woods, and generally LIVING outside.

    can I go to papa and nana’s too?

  57. Alice H,
    Sorry I checked out earlier. Yes the law states that, and follows up with public nuisance as a catch all.

  58. Alice H,
    I did some checking, the book that I was reading said crack house, the actual law has it defined as 823.10 Place where controlled substances are illegally kept, sold, or used declared a public nuisance.–
    My bad

  59. I’m glad you’re enjoying the pics, pjmomma. It’s nice to live someplace worth photographing :D

  60. Hah, I wouldn’t know.

    I was actually supposed to fly out there July 12th, but my healing is going a tad slower than my naive little mind thought it would so I had to cancel my trip. wah

    I’d prolly rather go there in the winter anyways when I can snowboard

  61. I thought the cabana boy was your prey today? Hard to keep up with you cougars…

    Pure eeeeeeeeeevil

  62. I like cougars. And women with flat stomachs and huge boobs.

    :oD>

  63. oh no, it’s too late for you mister man! You’re on the list! :P

  64. You’re on the list! :P

    Cool. How long before my turn?

    :o)>


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