My House Is Too Small. I Got Super Spies!

We get all the kids in bed and pjdaddy and I are in the living room and he says to me, “Did you hear about that sea monster that washed up to shore?”

Yeah, I saw that. I think it’s a bunch of crap.

Graham calls out from his room, “What? A monster?”

*pjdaddy and I discuss quietly with each other about how we’re gonna have to tell him to shut his door because he keeps listening in on our conversations

Graham, you’re gonna have to shut your door.

What? Why? Why do I have to shut it?

Because you kee-

Madeleine interrupts and yells from her bedroom, “They said it’s because you keep listening in on their conversations.”

Save Ferris- Super Spy

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You Know You’re A Bad Mom When…………

Your kids desperately want a babysitter, so they can get a break from you.

Last night my 4 year old Garren asked if we could have a babysitter. My standard response no matter what the question or statement, is, “we don’t have any money.” It’s just easier that way.

Mom can I have a McDonald’s Happy Meal?

We don’t have any money.

Mom, can you tie my shoe?

We don’t have any money.

Mom the house is on FIRE!!!

We don’t have any money.

Apparently summer spent 24/7 with mommy is getting old. My kids decided to go on a money hunt this morning. They’ve looked in every nook and cranny of the house, lifted couch cushions, raided the junk drawer, dug through the mini-van’s ash tray. I don’t mind this because it keeps them busy for a looooong time.

They laid out about $7 in change and asked if they had enough money for a babysitter now.

Oh, did mommy forget to mention the babysitter’s out of town for the summer? You know, if you guys are really, horribly bored you can clean your rooms.

I freaking hated it when my mom pulled that line on me when I was a kid. It’s my turn to pay it forward.

Mars And Venus In The Kitchen

No one can screw up an entire day of cooking better than me. Seriously, no one. I should have my own Food Network Show. “What NOT To Do In The Kitchen, With PJMomma”.

First I ruined my pumpkin cake, then I went on to ruin everything else. See this chili? Doesn’t it look good? Well it’s not supposed to be chili, it’s supposed to be stew, but I forgot to put the can of tomato sauce in. WOOT! WOOT! I rock.

The cornbread would have been pretty good, but the cornmeal had reached it’s expiration date several years ago.  I think I might have used it for a pizza I made in 1992 and then kept it in the freezer to lengthen it’s shelf life. It tasted freezer burnt.

Even though the kids soundly rejected it, I served it to pjdaddy as “chili” figuring the kids were just being picky as usual. And the few beans I’d had tasted fine to me.

I asked pjdaddy how it tasted and he looked like a cornered animal. I could smell the fear in him.

Look, just answer the question. Is it good or not?

*pjdaddy avoids eye contact

It’s fine. It’s good.

Oh no, hell no. I know what fine means. If I ask him how an outfit looks and he tells me fine, I might as well go naked. Tell me what’s wrong with it so I can either fix it or not bother making it again.

I think if I were to scramble up some eggs and have a tortilla with it, to balance out some of the salt it would taste good.

Ok, so what you’re saying is it’s too salty?

Look, you just don’t “get” me. No matter how bitter and salty it is, I’ll eat it because I know you spent all day making it and you poured your heart into it.

I will confess that actually made me laugh, but I still needed to find out what exactly he felt was wrong with it.

So it’s salty and bitter?

No, no, it’s just salty. And look, we saved $5 by me not making a trip to Arby’s.

Hah, it’s not worth the effort if we only saved $5. And you’re killing me. Why did we have to go through this entire conversation. Why tell me it’s bitter if it’s not?  Just flippin tell me it’s too salty!

We saved more than $5 because I’ll eat it again tomorrow.

No, I don’t want you to eat any more of it if it doesn’t taste good.

No, it tastes fine.

Ok I give up. I’m surprised the deer aren’t lining up in my backyard to have a go at the salt lick I call dinner. I just hope I can cook better today with Elvis Costello.

If any of you are “real” cooks, can you look at this recipe and tell me if it’d still be too salty even if I’d remembered to put the can of tomato sauce in? It seems to me, two bouillon cubes in addition to the envelope of taco seasoning would make it too salty anyways.

Ingredients:

  • 2 lbs. rump roast or lean stew beef
  • 1 envelope taco seasoning
  • 1 can (14.5 ounces) diced tomatoes, Mexican style
  • 1 small can green chile peppers
  • 1 can (8 oz.) tomato sauce
  • 1/2 cup chopped onion
  • two beef bouillon cubes or equivalent granules or base
  • 2 cans (15 ounces each) red kidney beans; rinsed and drained
  • Shredded cheddar cheese

Preparation:

Cut beef into 1/2-inch cubes. Toss with taco seasoning and add to slow cooker. Add the tomatoes, chile peppers, tomato sauce, onion and bouillon cubes. Cover and cook on low 6 to 9 hours or until beef is tender. Add the drained beans and cook until the beans are heated through; around 30 minutes. Serve topped with the shredded cheese and other toppings, as desired.

Warning: Do NOT Listen to Reverand Horton Heat While Baking!

You will be in the kitchen gettin all rockabilly with your bad self and you will not pay attention to what you’re doing and you will put 3 tablespoons of baking soda in your pumpkin cake instead of 3 teaspoons.

Your children will run from the table screaming and the dog will not even touch it. Your 2 year old will bring a water bottle to you and say, “put in the mouth, mom. put in the mouth.” Ok, he knows full well how to put water in his mouth. I think he was making a point because as soon as I put it in his mouth, he tried to gargle.

Thinking my kids were insane to not enjoy my mom’s recipe I tasted it myself and shot my blood pressure through the roof.

Damn, it was such a pretty cake too. It fell out of the pan. It was moist and was a great color.

For future, I’m just gonna have to put Simon & Garfunkel on instead. It’s easier to concentrate and measure and pour properly listening to them sing about the comeon’s “from the whores on 7th Ave” than it is to hear the Reverand sing about his, “Big Red Rocket of Love”.

For anyone that wants the recipe, when made correctly, it is divine. My mom used to make this when I was a kid, either with bananas that were on their way out, or pumpkin. I’m  not generally a fan of banana bread because I find it to be usually too dry for my tastes. It’s bread. This recipe is more of a cake and it’s nummy.

Banana/Pumpkin Bread Recipe

This recipe makes two loaves.

3 cups sugar (evil white processed sugar)

1 cup oil (I use coconut oil, it’s spendy, but it’s good for you, most “vegetable oil” is soy and I’m not a fan of soy the way it’s prepared today, processed and unfermented)

2/3 cup water

4 eggs

2 cups pumpkin or mashed ripe bananas

1 teaspoon cinammon

1 1/4 teaspoon salt

3 TEASPOONS baking soda

3 1/2 flour

1 cup chopped walnuts

mix, add nuts and bake at 350 degrees for 50-60 minutes use 2 9 inch bread pans

I may not have gotten a picture of the cake, but I got a picture of a “really cool city” cool is subjective in this case.

please try to ignore how the dog has beaten the hell out of the door in the background. He’s bound and determine to get into that room and have a showdown with the trash truck through window. Oh yeah, he’d totally kill that truck if I’d only give him a chance.

Found Item

So this past weekend Pjdaddy and I were doing some spring cleaning. Yes, I’m fully aware it’s the middle of summer, your point is? Actually pjdaddy started the cleaning and out of guilt figured I’d better help too. It’s annoying how much lower his filth threshold is than mine.

I’m quite content to have my children pick their daily outfit from the clean clothes pile. Spray a little Downey Wrinkle Release and we’re good to go. Actually, I’ve improved. We can now sit on our couch because I’ve moved our pile to the breakfast nook that we never use anyways.

This is good for two reasons. 1. When someone walks into our house, their initial impression is of cleanliness and 2. The washer and dryer are right next to the breakfast table.

The bad thing about this is that the breakfast nook was supposed to be where Madeleine  does her art because I don’t care about how much paint gets on that table, but she’s been forced to relocate her art studio to any available space.

Anyhoo, I moved a bookshelf to clean behind it and found this note.

That’s not my handwriting, nor is it pjdaddy’s handwriting. It’s my mom’s from when pjdaddy and I went to Acapulco in December. My mom and dad came and watched all 4 kids for us. What could all those exclamation points after the word “wine” possibly mean?

When cakes go bad

I call the head!

No comment.

One more… to make the icky feeling go away.

Summer Bruschetta

I love bruschetta (pron. brus’ket’ta in English, /bɾu’sketta/ in Italian) in the summertime. It’s a light, simple dish and it kicks a#$ with a glass of wine.

click picture to make it bigger

The ingredients are listed below the fold however, I did mine a little differently. I used a beefsteak tomato (seeded) because that’s what I had around the house. I used basil instead of oregano because I love basil. I also added garlic because I don’t understand why anyone would ever prepare a dish, unless it was dessert, without garlic.

I also used an Italian baguette and regular goat cheese. I would have loved to have had “goat cheese with fine herbs”, but I’m lucky there was even plain ole goat cheese at my local grocery store. Oh yeah, one more thing, there was fresh ground pepper in the mix, but I added a touch more to the top along with some fresh grated parmesan after I was done putting the tomato mixture on.

I brushed olive oil on both sides of my bread and broiled it before spreading on the goat cheese. They were really, really good.

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