How To Traumatize A Four Year Old

I’m going to hell. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200. That’s all there is to it, I am going straight to hell.  Never, ever, ever, ever, ever watch a youtube video around your kids w/out having viewed it first. Did I mention, never ever? I know this. I can’t believe I did it anyways, it just looked so harmless. We were watching, “Charlie the Unicorn” which they love, and the bad video we watched was from the same guy.

I’m the type of mom who doesn’t even watch the evening news if my children are around. When I was a kid, it was the world news at 6 o’clock anchored by Dan Rather followed by the local news at 6:30. Who would have thought watching the news would be so terrifying?  I remember laying in my bed at night unable to sleep as my imagination took over and the news of the day haunted me. I was certain I was going to be kidnapped (yep, the Adam Walsh story did that to me), or that an airplane was going to crash into my house and wipe out my entire neighborhood.  Course back then I prolly didn’t care about the neighbors, I was just worried about my own demise. Screw the neighbors.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the years of therapy Garren is going to require now because we watched this stupid video. Granted I turned it off when I realized what was going on, but it was too late. The damage had been done. I’ve tried to convince him that……….well, I’ll just let you watch the video. Just remember, he’s at the age where he’s unable to distinguish between a cartoon and real people. I’m still going to marry Speed Racer.

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25 Comments

  1. LOL… it started out so, so cute like. Sheesh… Damn the world that can’t even trust Mr Happy face.
    ;-)

  2. Yeah; I traumatized mine too. They bounce back quickly though.

  3. Was that funny? It just seemed stupid and pointless. It didn’t help that the guy couldn’t come up with another voice to use (are we doomed to listen to his annoying falsetto in every cartoon he makes?).

    A lot of people have done the cuteness-turns-macabre much better than this guy.

  4. Hey, pjmomma, you know how your kids love Margaret Wise Brown? You know, Goodnight Moon and The Runaway Bunny? Yeah, she’s got a book out called The Steamroller that might not be a good idea to read to your kids either.

    (Of course, after reading this guy’s description, I went out and bought a copy.)

  5. I gotta go with Geoff on this. I don’t get it.

    Besides, there are sooo many other things on youtube that can teach him useful boy skillz…like this:

  6. Anna- I know, I thought, oh this will be cute a little smilie face. Course had I not been such a fool, I would have seen there was a warning.

    USA- I sure hope so, gah

    Geoff and Biw- I have no idea whether it’s funny or not, I didn’t watch it long enough. I just saw a smilie face and my son said mom, click on it, so I did. I just thought it was gonna be some cute little cartoon. WRONG! BiW- your fart videos are like rosetta’s nuclear bomb video, grrrrrrrrrrr!

    Alice H- hahahaha, I’ll pass on that one………well for them anyways. I had purchased This series of books for my daughter thinking it would be so cool for her to have every single fairy tale story that ever existed. Oh hell no! Now I know why children back in the day were seen and not heard. They were all terrified from the stories the adults would tell them.

    These books were so graphic, I couldn’t read them to her. In fact, my 10 year old son is the one who read them. And he loves them. Their stories aren’t all happy and chipper the way Disney recreated them. Oh nooooooo. For example, Cinderella’s step-sisters cut off their toes and heels to fit in the glass slipper. The Prince’s men figured out the sisters didn’t fit in the shoe from the trail of blood the women left everywhere.

    Little Red Riding Hood? They dun got et. Do they get out of the wolf’s stomach alive? No!

  7. Yeah, fairy tales weren’t originally written for kids. A friend of ours bought the kids a copy of Grimms for Christmas, and doesn’t understand why it’s on a top shelf. (This is the perpetual bachelor friend that every husband has, the one who’s going to be the one to take your son to his first poker game, his first tattoo parlor, his first strip club. Although he recently nearly ended his bachelor status by almost moving in a girl he met at a strip club. “She’s a waitress, not a stripper!” He thought we’d be happy for him that he was settling down instead of trying to talk him out of it.)

  8. Linkie no workie PJ, but are you referring to the original Grimm’s Fairy Tales? Clever Hans was such a character…

  9. Fixed linky BiW

    Alice- *sigh, hubby has a few of those. Luckily they’re always terrorizing snowboarding in Utah and California, so we’re far, far away.

  10. I don’t know, Charlie and the Unicorn, can be traumatic too because that IS real. Seriously, it reminds me of the Obama or any other democrat campaign. Lots of promises of all sorts of good things, and in the end, you get royally screwed.

    Poor Garren. That video is beyond bad.

  11. Grimms Fairy Tales….brrrr.

    I have a doll called ‘The Little Match Girl’ from a certain doll artist. Very well done….until I read the story behind the little match girl. She froze to death trying to sell matches for money to buy food. Oh wait…that was from Hans Christian Andersen but same genre.

  12. Holy geez. Hopefully it wasn’t created by some high school kid who now is being taken into custody for being psycho. That’s horrible.

  13. Guess you haven’t watch this one yet — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNZzJELbFRI&feature=user

  14. Oh, and flight 191 crashed near my house. I rode my bike there — http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Airlines_Flight_191

    It broke the record that 182 had set.

  15. They still talk about 191 every year on the news in Chicago, even if it’s just 10 second blurb. It was bad.

  16. porknbean- oh I know, I know. Kidneys being stolen are a concern here in America. hahaha. I’ll have to check and see if the little match girl is in our group of fairy stories.

    I had to purchase every book in that effing collection and they were hard to find and expensive. However, if I didn’t have the complete collection I would be very itchy and uncomfortable until it was. Things must be even you know.

    Joni- I was waiting for CPS and the police to show up at my house one year around Thanksgiving. I was just telling Alice H. about this. My son had to draw a picture to represent Thanksgiving. So what does my son draw? He draws American Indians hunting reindeer. But it’s not just any reindeer, it’s Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer and he has blood squirting out everywhere.

    Mesa- I’m so glad I didn’t show that one to the kids, course that one actually amused me.

    Flight 191 didn’t scare you mesa like flight 182 scared me because you were all old and stuff. :P

    b-rad- Did you used to live in Chicago? Did I know this and I just forgot cuz I”m lame?

  17. I was just over the state line, in Lake County, Indiana. You know- home of the Pinto?
    I worked down in the Loop for about 4 years. Chicago is still my favorite big city. But 191 happened about 20 years before I got there.

    I spent a goodly part of the 90’s reading about aviation disasters and the chain of events that lead to them. Pretty interesting to me as a layman.

  18. But organs ARE slippery. And blood IS sweet. So it was kind of like a gory documentary.

  19. No..kidney theft is not what I meant by that video representing something real. Think Obama the magic negro, promising hope and change. And changeness. And if you follow him and his Obamatons into their Marxist borg utopia, you will be losing more than your kidney.

  20. Got to admit though, advertisers and people of the media nowadays are now taking advantage of children’s frailness into creating stuff in order to brainwash or to traumatize them. Even a phrase “you’re going to hell” is a sure way to traumatize a child for the rest of his or her life.

  21. b-rad- I really, really like Chicago too. I’ve only been there once, but I enjoyed it immensely.

    San Diego Momma- You always know how to make me feel better ;)

    Abbadon- hahahahahaha

    porknbean- well I’m dense, completely and totally dense

    Clyde- good thing I’ve never told them they’re going to hell huh? Course I remember looking at some book my brother had that had a depiction of hell that scared the bejeebus out of me. People biting and tearing at eah other’s flesh. {{{shudder}}}

  22. I was thisclose to not watching it because I get traumatized easily too…now I wish I wouldn’t have. That was just weird, sick and wrong on so many levels…uggg.

  23. Did somebody mention something about Creepy Dolls? (Funny for adults, probably nightmare fuel for the little ones)

  24. OMG. That is wrong on so many levels. And yet, I found myself giggling at it anyway. I’m going to hell too.


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