Turtle Droppings

Yesterday I let my dog out to do his morning, um, well, the stuff he does in the morning. Sometimes he takes a while. I think he has a copy of US Weekly stashed out there somewhere. Yesterday was no different, except he was barking and barking and barking. I sent Madeleine out there to see what was going on. Good job mom, send the kid out, not knowing if there was a rabid possum or something.

Madeleine ran back in the house saying, “Mom, it’s a turtle! It’s a turtle! Let’s get Graham!” Graham is our resident herpetologist. I had to look that word up because I almost wrote hepatologist. Course I do like my beer, maybe he should study that.

Anyhoo, Graham and I went out there to get Frodo away from the turtle. Let my geekness shine thru! I admit it,  I named my dog Frodo. This turtle was a biggin’. I kid you not, that puppy’s turtle’s shell was about 8 inches across. Graham said it was a box turtle. He also said it was laying eggs. About 24 of them. That might have been an exaggeration.

Of course I’m doubting it and tell Graham it’s prolly pooping.


Then I feel bad for the turtle because she was just trying to lay some eggs and this big ‘ole dog was barking at her. Sadly I didn’t have my head together in time to take a picture of the actual turtle, but I did get some really cool egg photos.

I’m wondering what I should do about it and a friend of mine tells me that I should call animal control because turtles are protected and I could get in trouble if I don’t keep them safe.

Oh man, this is going to be awful. I picture men in HAZMAT suits coming in and cordoning off a section of my backyard. The kids can’t play out there, I can’t let the dog out for his morning stuff. This is going to be awful. I have no idea why I pictured men in HAZMAT suits. You’d think I’d picture white girls with long dreadlocks, peasant skirts and smelling like patchouli oil floating in to take care of them,  but no, I pictured, “the man”.

I toy with the idea of just hoping they’ll hatch on their own and it becoming a really cool science project for the kids, but guilt weighs in on me. What if they die? How are they going to find their way back to the little creek in my backyard?

So I call animal control waiting for them to bring in, “The Team”. The lady says, “I dunno, here’s the Fish and Wildlife’s number, call them.”

My heart’s pounding. Fish and Wildlife, it’s all over. I’ll have newscameras at my house. I haven’t lost all my weight yet, the camera adds 10 lbs., my hair, it’s awful. At least I got a pedicure, but frick, I’m really going to have to clean the house. Maybe I can have the reporters go through the back gate. They really don’t need to be in my house at all. Oh man,  I will have no peace at my home until these babies hatch. The DFW’s response?


“I don’t know what you do with them. What kind of turtle is it?”

A box turtle.

“Well maybe you can put some kind of cover over them to keep them safe? It’s not a Gopher Tortoise, right? Those are the ones that are protected.”


“Yeah, then I don’t know what you do. Try to keep them safe till they hatch.”

Um, thanks?

Well we definitely had to put some kind of cover over them because Frodo desperately wanted some eggs for breakfast.

Please mom, can’t I have turtle soup?

I waited for pjdaddy to get home to devise some sort of cover for the turtles.

You know you’re a redneck if………….

Here’s the little eggies this morning after a good rain.

I can see about 6 eggs in there.

It will be fun to see what happens. If anybody has an opinion or knows I’m caring for them wrong, you’re quite welcome to tell me.


  1. interesting to see, thanks

  2. As long as the soil is fairly moist and they’re protected from your dog or other critters getting to them, they should be OK. What are your plans for after they hatch?

    this site might help.

  3. What are your plans for after they hatch?

    Laying out the red carpet and directing it towards the creek?

  4. LOL.. the first thing I thought of was the safety of your dog. Trust me, if some thing was barking at me while I was laying one of my 10 lb eggs having babies … they would quickly become a specimen on a slab in the morgue. Drugging the mother isn’t for her comfort … it’s for the safety of the hospital staff
    BTW PJmomma… if your dog is anything like mine, and it wants those eggs, nothing will stop it from getting them.

  5. hahaha, you know one year my brothers went and hid the eggs for our Easter egg hunt. Time came for the hunt, we all went outside and we couldnt’ find the eggs.

    Our two dogs went thru and just decimated them. Didn’t even dawn on us we had egg suckin’ dogs.

    and you’re right, those turtles have some snappers on ’em. We’d prolly had a nice vet bill from repairing Frodo’s nose.

  6. Lucky! all the cool things happen in your yard. The other day my hubby found an old used condom outside our 7yr old window. Now, was someone walking by and just tossed it (his window is by the main walkway to the pool) or was a creeper gettin’ off outside my son’s window? As if I don’t have enough to worry about.

    I did google turtle egg recipes…ew. I’ve only thought of turtles as cool pets never as a dish. Anyone care to admit they’ve had some? Just curious what it tastes like.

  7. You should hook up live streaming video so the whole world can watch them hatch! (or watch the dog eat them, whichever happens first)

  8. interesting to see, thanks

    unless i wrote it, i think all poems are dreadful

    vote NO on YES

  9. Aww!! I love turtles!! I can’t wait to see the babies!!

    (I know. I’m a geek too.)

    Your dog’s a cutie!

    (See, I’m not helpful at all.)

    Good luck!


  10. Wow this is like DIscovery Channel, only better. No wait, make that Animal Planet!

    I wish I liked turtles but after being snapped at by one, I don’t do much more with them than look at OTHER people pictures of them.

    Oh and I totally would have named Casey, Bilbo or Pippin had I been clever enough when we got him from the breeder! LoTR Geeks rule!

  11. Okay so we found this thing we thought was a box turtle walking down the street in our neighborhood (I crap you not it was just taking a stroll) and we never found the owners, so we took care of it for a while planning on keeping it. We took it into the vet and found out it was a freaking AFRICAN LEOPARD TORTISE and woulld grow to be 2.5 feet long and up to 80lbs. Yeah. So I called the Zoo and they adopted him. His name is Boomer and we visited him today.

    Just be sure and take pictures when they hatch m’kay? I want to see :-)

  12. I am SO not going to be helpful and I have zero advice to offer, but how FREAKIN COOL is that? I wish interesting stuf happened over here. Instead I end up blogging about nekkid gardening and canning tomaotes. Sssnnnooooozzzeee.

    Can’t wait to see what hatches! Wonder how long it will take?

  13. Heh. “Redneck” is the White People version of the adjective “Ghetto.”

    You should see the “fence” I rigged around our vegetable garden. One step up from a whitewashed tractor tire.

    I keep those little displays of Southern engineering in the backyard, at least.

  14. whosagooddoggie?
    *rubs tummy*

    So I like dogs better than turtles…get over it.

  15. Is a cutie wutie poochie!

    Hey, PJM: I’m really sorry if I offended you over at IB. I didn’t mean to. Please forgive me.

  16. kare kare- eeeesh, you’re the lucky one. that sounds like good times to me

    CB- that would be cool if I even knew how to do anything computery besides turn it on

    T- awww,thanks about the dog, he’s our little pound puppy

    Auds- we were actually toying with the idea of Bilbo, maybe I should get a cat and name it Bilbo.

    KD- that is sooo crazy! Someone must have smuggled him in huh? How cool for you kids to get to see him at the zoo though. sweet!

    bookmama- nekkid gardening? oh you should get a boatload of hits from that huh? ;)

    rittenhouse- hahha, yeah, I keep it in the backyard too. Now my neighbors on the other hand. One of the first houses we sold, we made quite a bit of money off it and I told my son, now we can afford to buy you a tire swing sweetie.

    b-rad- well I know who you’re rooting for

    muslihoon- you’re fine, don’t’ sweat it. I can’t stay irritated for longer than 3 seconds before it turns into fear, self loathing and binge eating.

  17. I would look up how long it takes for them to hatch and create a timeline. Because if they are covered up once they hatch, they won’t be able to make their way back to where they are going. Unless your resident herpetologist is going to raise them as pets.

    On the NC Coast when Logger Head Turtles lay eggs, they cordon off the area on the beach and when the babies are ready to hatch they actually create a sand trough for them to walk down so that they have an easier time accessing the ocean. Don’t do anything like that, but sometimes, they have a difficult time getting anywhere because of their size. (We had to meet with the turtle rescue people so my 8 y/o son could quiz them endlessly).

  18. KD,
    My cousin found one of those leopard tortoises about 2 years ago. She now has 6 and some eggs that may be hatching soon. (they sell for a boatload of $$$)

  19. It wouldn’t surprise me if the turtle’s eggs were made of gold….stuff like this happens to my sister. Hey PJM do a post about the painting you found in your attic and sold for …$$$ how much???

    I bet those eggs are some rarest of rare turtle and she has struck it rich. Just remember I will always be your favorite sis!

  20. oooooh, that’s a good blog post idea kare-kare!

  21. PJM,
    So you are one of “them”.
    I knew a guy that was the luckiest man alive. I cannot remember 1/2 of the stuff, but this one I remember. He bought a mega$$$ motor home (I think it was a Prevo, but I am not sure) A few years later he was driving in Oklahoma when he was hit by a storm that had baseball sized hail. He called the factory and said where can I get this fixed? They said Oooh we have never seen one that had that happen can you bring it to us? He did, and they gave him a new one. And the car he was towing behind, the insurance company gave him $4K more for it than he paid for it.

  22. Yay! Baby turtles! You’re so lucky. We just have dirty gophers and blind rabid rabbits that run in circles.

  23. You’d think I’d picture white girls with long dreadlocks and peasant skirts and smelling like patchouli oil floating in to take care of them,

    And strains of Terrapin Station playing in the background, no doubt.

    I love dreadlocked hippir chicks. I can show them my turtle…

  24. >>If anybody has an opinion

    Over-easy, salt and pepper.

  25. Vmax- I’m gonna have to say yes. All in all I think I’m a pretty lucky girl.

    blind rabid rabbits that run in circles

    if it makes you feel any better, when I was a kid I had headless chickesn running around my backyard. Course they didn’t run long.

    Abbadon- what a perfect opportunity for you to slip some Dead in huh?

    Dave- coming right up

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