You Know You’re A Bad Mom When…………

Your kids desperately want a babysitter, so they can get a break from you.

Last night my 4 year old Garren asked if we could have a babysitter. My standard response no matter what the question or statement, is, “we don’t have any money.” It’s just easier that way.

Mom can I have a McDonald’s Happy Meal?

We don’t have any money.

Mom, can you tie my shoe?

We don’t have any money.

Mom the house is on FIRE!!!

We don’t have any money.

Apparently summer spent 24/7 with mommy is getting old. My kids decided to go on a money hunt this morning. They’ve looked in every nook and cranny of the house, lifted couch cushions, raided the junk drawer, dug through the mini-van’s ash tray. I don’t mind this because it keeps them busy for a looooong time.

They laid out about $7 in change and asked if they had enough money for a babysitter now.

Oh, did mommy forget to mention the babysitter’s out of town for the summer? You know, if you guys are really, horribly bored you can clean your rooms.

I freaking hated it when my mom pulled that line on me when I was a kid. It’s my turn to pay it forward.


  1. This is too funny. I was JUST LIKE your kids when I was a kid. (Although, I do still occasionally go on change hunts, so maybe I’m still just like them … ha! )

  2. We were the same when we were lil too. It was always a treat to have a babysitter ’cause they technically didn’t know ALL the rules of the house. Besides the popcorn fights I remember having to glue things back together before our parents came home. Oh, and lets not forget the rearranging the posters on the bedroom wall to cover a few “oops’.
    Dang… being a kid is too fun. I wanna go back!
    pjmomma.. please email ok? I’ve got some things to discuss witcha

  3. I liked the babysitter too when I was little. My kids have never had a sitter that wasn’t family except for one time and it was a young christian couple that we are friends with (I know don’t die of shock that we have Christian friends…we are surprised they still talk to us too). I want to hire a mother’s helper this fall when Muirne starts school so I can go goof off, err run errands without Bardolf while Muirne is in school. We shall see if I can get Caspian to shell out the dough–I will promise him sex. Itsgot me my Lover, err Dyson!

  4. What’s for dinner and when will it be ready? I’m hungry.

  5. Hey PJM, can I have a baby sitter? Preferably one with a huge rack…


  6. They *want* a babysitter?

    I can’t wait until you’re with someone and the kids pipe up that they don’t get a babysitter because there isn’t any money and the person thinks you leave your kids home alone.

  7. dads- I don’t care, I”m not getting you a babysitter either. you’re just gonna have to deal with me.

    anna- my parents always seem to hire the mean babysitters! I remember one actually spanked my sister with a brush and my sister was a baby. The babysitter called me a liar. I’m still bitter. I was like Timmy Turner on Fairly Odd Parents. Viki was my sitter

    KD- you’d be surprised at how naughty some of us Christians are ;)

    cranky- I’m not feeding you until I up the life ins. policy I have on you.

    Abbadon- you have big guns is that why you need a big rack?

    randomesq- bwahaha hahaha if you only knew half the things my kids have said to humiliate me in public.

  8. Uh…I was spanked with a brush by the babysitter? or did you whack me good with a brush and blame it on the sitter?

  9. or did you whack me good with a brush and blame it on the sitter?

    Nope, this was before I hated you.

  10. As the youngest, my only babysitters were older brothers & sisters. They would whup ya with a hair brush for no reason!

  11. They would whup ya with a hair brush for no reason!

    some how if it involved you, I find it hard to believe there was no reason

  12. *grin*

  13. I loved our babysitter. She found my dad’s dirty magazines…and let us look at the “cartoons”.

    Plus she played ball in the house with us.

  14. This post rules.
    What’s going on with the babysitter? That’s what I’d be asking ;)

  15. hooligans- cartoons? that’s why I love you and you’re my kindred spirit. we’ve both been warped.

    tesco- hhhhhmmmmm, It didn’t even dawn on me their could be an ulterior motive other than wanting to get away from me. Now I’m suspicious.

  16. HA! That’s too funny… I just told my kids when they asked if we could go to McDonalds, “Sorry, guys, we don’t have the money… now eat this broccoli and be quiet.”
    You’re right, it’s easier.

  17. PJM — Thanks for the chuckles.

    I still remember an awesome babysitter my brother and I had (before my little sister was born and we babysat her). She was so cool. Did stuff that — if an adult found out — we would have been in big trouble — stuff totally harmless by today’s standards.

    Michael and I have had to fire a babysitter. I asked the kids why there were deep holes penetrating the wood door to the walk out basement, and was told the babysitter had taken our son’s hunting bow and used the basement door for target practice while our two little tykes were right there with him suggesting he not do it.

    * last time we hired a male babysitter*

    * testosterone-poisoning of the brain in male adolescents*

  18. TheEdgeOfInsanity – I wish my kids would be quiet and eat their brocolli holy cow, I updated the post in honor of you.

    Cathy- {{{SHUDDER}}} that’s flippin scary! I had a teenaged girl babysitter who decided to have some male friends over while babysitting. One of them made the mistake of leaving their MySpace password on my computer. I “redesigned” his whole page. Oh man, my stomach hurt I was laughing so hard.

  19. My standard response no matter what the question or statement, is, “we don’t have any money?” It’s just easier that way?

    Is it the truth that you don’t have any money? If that’s true, is it a good idea raise you’re kids with the knowledge that you live below the poverty level?

    Or if it’s not true, why should you lie to the kids? Can I have McDonald’s? No. Why? Because it’s unhealthy.

    According to some of the comments, it o.k. to lie to the kids because its easier. I guess no one can complain when the kids grow up to be liars.

  20. You’re pretty thick if you can’t tell this post was semi-satirical. Notice the…..”the house is on fire” We don’t have any money line?

    I bet you’re the type that doesn’t like Santa because it’s a lie.

    Lighten up Frances.

  21. Just stumbled upon this from the wordpress dashboard. Fun read! My kids usually tell me to “mind my business” when they are tired of me. Even if it doesn’t make sense.

  22. This is brilliant! With my youngest, all I have to do is say “Kara is coming” and he gets dressed as quickly as possible and insists on sitting outside. I could tell him HOURS in advance and he’d sit there, waiting for her. He will only get his hair cut with her, too. No one else. Go figure.

  23. Just think of it as your kids’ way of saying you need a time out. Our 3 year old loves to let us know when we have been “bad.” :)
    Sheesh, you have to love people who take every word so seriously. I blog mostly with tongue in cheek, and it never ceases to amaze me when people think you are being completely serious.

  24. kweenmama- it makes perfect sense because they’re kids and kids make no sense. am I making sense here?

    kibblesbits- ohhh, the thought of him sitting outside is the cutest thing EVER! I remember I used to do that if someone was going to pick me up to go to their house. Oh the anticipation. It was torture.

    Matt- yeah, it takes all types doesn’t it? I imagine a lot of sphincters tightening when they read The Onion

  25. I remember when I used to BE that cool-ass babysitter all the kids loved and all the parents clamored over. sigh
    This post totally cracks me up! How can anybody be bored around PJM??

  26. ahhh, thanks bookmamma! I was never the good babysitter because I spent the entire time eating all the sweets in their house and hiding the wrappers in my pockets, oh well sure, the kids liked me, but financially it wasn’t worth it to have me there.

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  28. We, too, are having a long and boring summer. But I’m the one digging for change to hire a sitter.

    And, oh my God, I hate myself for saying the stuff my Mom used to say:

    “Do you hear me Missy?”

    “If you’re bored go clean your room (yes, I use that one too).”

    I’ve got a million of ’em!

  29. “If you’re bored go clean your room (yes, I use that one too).”

    I think it irritates them as bad as it did me.

    YAY! School started today! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! YIPPY!!!!!!!!!

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