Oh Crap! I Killed The Tooth Fairy! It Was An Accident I Swear!

Madeleine lost her two front teeth this week. I’m so glad, because a couple months ago her knee went into her teeth when she jumped off my bed and they turned pretty black. There were looking fairly PWT (poor white trash).

She was very excited when she lost her first one because she knew she’d have a visit from the Tooth Fairy. As fate and a few glasses of wine would have it, I forgot all about her missing tooth by the time pjdaddy got home from work.

The next morning I’m in bed and I hear Madeleine say.

Mom! I think the Tooth Fairy’s dead. She didn’t give me anything.

Crap! I forgot to put money under her pillow.

Um, Madeleine, I’m sure the Tooth Fairy left you some money. You probably just didn’t see it.

Pjdaddy quickly grabs a coin he had in his bag of work stuff and sticks it on the side of her bed.

I hear

Mom! The Toothfairy left me special money and it fell to the side of my bed. It’s a special Buffalo nickel!

Whaaaa? Why did you give her my Buffalo nickel? That was from Fr. Sassone when I was a little kid. That was my special nickel!

How was I supposed to know it was yours? It’s been in my bag forever.

So you just think a Buffalo nickel would show up out of nowhere?

Mom, I lost the money already. I put it on your bathroom counter and it’s gone.

Ah that’s too bad honey, mommy will get you a quarter out of the car to replace your special nickel.

I will neither confirm nor deny having any knowledge of the whereabouts of said Buffalo nickel.

The next evening, Madeleine’s other tooth decides to vacate. Earlier that day my kids had raided the house for loose change so they could hire a babysitter to get rid of me. Because of this, I had no money to put under her pillow and was waaaay too lazy to go to the store and get some cash. If I had known where they hid the change they pilfered, I would have just “borrowed” it back and put it under her pillow. It’s a big advantage having kids who aren’t able to count money yet and if I count it for them, they don’t remember the amount.

Fortunately I remembered her tooth this time when pjdaddy got home and asked him if he had any money in his truck. Usually we like to give the kids the gold Sacagawea coins. They think those are pretty cool.

The Tooth Fairy left Madeleine 3 nickels, two dimes and five pennies.

I’m waiting patiently for my Mother of the Year nomination.


  1. Don’t take this the wrong way, but stay the hell away from Santa Claus, or I’ll sic Heir No. One and Two on you!

  2. I bet the Easter Bunny leaves nothing but pickled eggs and unshelled peanuts.

  3. Oh man, I had that gap for a while when I was a kid.

    Not having kids, I have no idea what a tooth goes for these days. I wonder if the kids discuss it with each other to see if they are getting reasonable rates.

    Hope you put that buffalo nickel somewhere safe!


  4. My kid gets a dollar coin. The second one will too when he starts losing his teeth.

  5. Y’all have cheap tooth fairies. With inflation and such and the cost of living out here in California, the local tooth fairies usually leave at least an Alex Hamilton.

  6. Should we call DCFS on you? She “fell”. Sure. Sounds more like someone bitched about riding in the minivan with a new “uncle”…

  7. BiW- I don’t even mess with Santa……….however, I’m toying with the idea of celebrating Christmas a week later this year to take advantage of the huge discounts the stores offer after Christmas. I already did that this year with Easter.

    MCPO- don’t make me send the real Easter bunny after you

    randomesq- as far as the current market rates are concerned, my kids are getting ripped off big time. Madeleine told me a boy in her class got $5. Stupid asshole parents ruin it for everyone.

    Nigel- California is a whole different ballgame. I’d still move there in a heartbeat because the Mexican food is better than anywhere else.

    b-rad- you’d do that for me? That is soo sweet. Let’s hope they take all of them for a couple weeks so I can get a good nap in.

  8. Thanks for that classic youtube. I’d forgotten how funny that was.

  9. No way! You lost the special nickel fair and square.. you can’t take it back! :P

  10. “a boy in her class got $5”
    I know that one very well.
    LOL, I used to tell my kids the reason for the difference depended on the weather condition the fairy had to fly in. The harder the wind blew the less money the fairy could carry (we live in a natural wind tunnel valley). The colder it was the less money the fair could carry (we live 3000 feet above sea level so cold is a given factor in our lives) This all seemed to work in their young minds so all was good.
    They received a fifty cent piece for easy fall outs and a creatively folded dollar for the tough rooted back teeth. Oh… and if they allowed me the privilege of pulling it out … they got a folded dollar plus the fifty cent piece.
    Just a side note if you forget the tooth fairy again…. the weather plays a huge part in where the fairy is able to fly but rest assured, the fairy checks landing conditions nightly.

  11. PJM — Sans-tooth or no, your Madeline is a beauty. You get my vote for Mom-of-the-Year, which is the more coveted award than Mother-of-the-year anyway.

  12. When my daughter lost her second tooth, I totally forgot about the money and the next morning she is in tears. So, I apologized and explain that the email I sent was probably late and she would for sure get her reward that night. So after she went to bed (after reminding me 17,000 times about reminding the TF) I cut a piece of paper into a 2″ x 2″ square and wrote an apology letter in little tooth fairy handwriting apologizing for the delay and attached some $$. I’m sure she figured out who it really was, but she realized she could no longer be mad at her either. Tell Madeline congrats on the teeth and now that they are out, she can eat corn on the cob again.

    – Zard (aka Mrs. geoff)

  13. I’m sure she figured out who it really was

    I think you’re right. Kids pretend about the TF to cash in on the cash. Mine admitted it.

  14. Ain’t the tooth fairy real?
    Just kidding!
    Hope you find that nickel.

  15. Still looking for the nickel? Check with Rich…

  16. b-rad- I crack up at that video everytime

    anna- I love you! I’ve got two more kids to go not including this one who’ll be losing some teeth. I need any and all hints and tricks. ;)

    cathy- i love my cathy. you certainly get the vote for the most gorgeous mom of the millenium!

    zard- I remember being really concerned about not letting my parents know I knew Santa existed because I figured the goods would stop and I could see my parents enjoyed the game so much.

    norina95- if that nickel is where xbradtc thinks it is, I don’t want it anymore

  17. “The Tooth Fairy left Madeleine 3 nickels, two dimes and five pennies.”

    That is the cheapest tooth fairy I ever heard of. Seriously, I think kids in the 50s got at least a quarter. With inflation that is like a $5 bill today!

  18. That video was great!

  19. My kids have finally outgrown the tooth fairy – but I got very good at hiding the money in my hand as I put them to bed – I pretended to adjust the tooth under their pillow as I tucked them in and quickly switched the tooth and money and told them to be very careful not to touch the tooth and move it around or the TF wouldn’t be able to find it. They never touched it and I didn’t have to remember later on to sneak in and make the switch! BTW, where I live the going rate was $5 for the first tooth and $1 for each tooth thereafter!

  20. Total Transformation- HAHAHAHAHAHA! I laughed so hard. We got a cheap tooth fairy in this house. What can I say?

    BiW- which video, the bunny or ass pennies?

    Ronda- oh! very good idea for putting the money under the pillow.I wonder if I could trust them not to touch. $5 for the first tooth? holy moly. yep, the good tooth fairy doesn’t come to this part of town. we get her evil twin sister

  21. Just for you, PJ, since you’re such a fan.


  22. Gold dollar coins as well here. There was something special for the first tooth (new Thomas hat for my son). The only time my kids see the gold coins is from the tooth fairy.

  23. Girl, you are freakin’ hilarious.

    I love the small house post too. Isn’t it funny how they always hear what they shouldn’t but somehow don’t hear what they should?


  24. The Bunny. The Ass pennies are funny because Rich tries so hard to distance himself from it.

  25. Killing the tooth fairy is one thing, but stealing a nickel? Oh my. When your kids are adults in therapy, won’t it be great to just point their shrink to blog entries like this? Read a blog post, write a prescription, medicate heavily – all better now.

  26. Uh, yeah, my kid, uh, jumped. Off the bed. Yeah, that’s it. Knees hit her teeth. That’s right. That’s what happened…

    Between this and that post about all the nekkidness goin’ on at your house I gotta wonder…


  27. When my kids were losing teeth (ten years ago), they got a quarter, sometimes two. Anything more is crazy IMO. If they said their friends got more, I told them that they were lucky kids and crazy parents as teeth were not worth that much on the open market.
    Extractions got a dollar/bribe to not whine too much about it/sympathy cash. Daughter had to get a tooth pulled because it died that caused an abscess above it. Son had 4 pulled because they wouldn’t come out – longish roots – and he had to get a dual appliance put in to fix his bite.

  28. I’m one of those parents who give their kids a crazy amount of money when they lose a tooth – I take one of those Eclipse gum tubs and fill it with pennies, nickels, and dimes. But we also make our son pay for just about anything extra he wants – if we go to the mall, and he wants a snack, he pays for it, and is required to also buy one for his little sister or share with her since she’s too young for an allowance. If he wants something other than the very basic stuff that we’re getting just about anywhere, he has to pay for it. He doesn’t get stuff bought for him out of our money, pretty much ever. But he does get an allowance, and his crazy tooth fairy money.

  29. Alice H – Will you adopt me?

  30. b-rad- I LOVE that poster, especially since it has my birthday on it even better

    katbur- the gold coins rock, don’t they?

    T-They’re amazingly deaf when it comes to eating their veggies, but they’re suddenly healed by dessert time.

    BiW- bunny video is awesome

    dadshouse- I did this for you! I was trying to raise the money to get you a neutral colored basket for you bike.

    abbadon- it’s not just nekkidness, it’s red-nekkidness

    porknbean- I had one of my kids get a tooth removed for the same thing. Abscess. Did you know you’re not supposed to kiss your kids as babies on the mouth? I just decided to write a post about that because I think it’s something people should know.

    AliceH- awww, I think it’s cute that you do that. You’re a better mom than I. You make the Tooth Fairy a special event. I’m lame.

  31. I want her to adopt me first MCPO!

  32. Let’s review. I know where you live, your birthday, and your last name. May I stalk you now?

  33. it’s red-nekkidness

    YAAAA-HHOOOO – Bodacious bare ta-tas!!!

  34. Let’s review. I know where you live, your birthday, and your last name. May I stalk you now?

    come on over, I’ll make you some chili!

    abbadon- only in the shower my good friend

  35. What would a tooth fairy do with all of those teeth? Grind them down and make dentures for old folk I guess. My son always acted a little doubtful about a tooth fairy. Fairy wasn’t a ‘big deal’ like Santa.

  36. How old are you, MCPO? You get a buck for each year you’ve been alive. You have to pay all your entertainment expenses out of that. And you’re required to buy at least one book (through Scholastic, at school, so it’s not too expensive) from that money. Still think you’re getting a good deal?

    Did I mention I make him pitch in on gasoline if he wants me to drive him someplace that’s more than a couple of miles away and it’s not a planned family outing?

    I know it seems like it’s a great deal on the surface, but it’s really a tool to cut back on the ‘why don’t you take me places and buy me things’ trap that a lot of parents seem to get caught in. Instead of having to think of something to choose between every time he wants something, he knows he probably has to choose one thing out all the things he wants to do. But if he wants to do something completely outrageous with his cash, he knows he can do that too. That’s why we have a beta fish living on our dining room table.

  37. hahahaha, I like your methods alice. Garren is dying for a fish and I’ve been toying with the idea of a beta fish.

  38. I’m amazed our beta has lived as long as it has, it was sort of an impulse buy on his part. He wanted to go to Wal-mart, as he had saved up $25 and it was burning a hole in his pocket. That Wal-mart fish has lived for probably six months now.

    It’s hilarious, Zoe talks to the fishie like it’s a person – “Why you so sad, little fishie?”

  39. oh that’s so cute alice, it makes me think of that girl that kills that fish in NEMO, only your kid is sweet and didn’t kill the fish.

  40. I’ve killed her more than once. BTW you have a beautiful daughter!

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