Monster Quest

My oldest son Graham and I love to watch, Monster Quest, it’s a show on The History Channel and this is how their website describes their show. 

From Bigfoot to Swamp Beast, Monster Quest reveals the truth of legendary monster sightings around the world. Deploying the latest in hi-tech equipment, each episode scientifically examines the best evidence available, from pictures and video, to hair and bones, as well as the eyewitness accounts themselves. From pilots to policemen to ship captains, a number of seemingly credible people have seen things they can’t explain. One part history, one part science and one part monsters, Monster Quest discovers the truth behind these legendary monsters.

A couple weeks ago we were watching an episode about man-eating fish.

I think it was people in some sort of Amazon village being interviewed and one was talking about her cousin being eaten, not by a piranha………………..but a catfish!

Catfish? Wha?

Legend has it there’s some catfish big enough to eat a small child in Alabama.

Well you can just forget the idea of me setting foot in any freshwater lakes again. Yeah right, like I’d do that living here in good ole Florida anyways. Not interested in being gator bait. Unless of course the gator was a football player. Relax pjdaddy, you know I’d never leave you for a college football player, they’d have to be pro.

Now I won’t ever say that things like Big Foot or aliens aren’t real because I just don’t know, but you know how all those crazy scientists are, they’re pretty certain nothing fun exists.

I beg to differ.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the youtube video below of a fish swooping up and eating a duck whole. If there’s a video of a fish eating a duck that big, who’s to say there isn’t one that could conceivably consume a small child?

[WARNING] The following video is not for the faint of heart, in other words, those of you who are freaking crybabies. [UPDATE] please don’t let your kids watch the video till you’ve seen if first, so you can see if it’s age appropriate for them.

h/t mesablue

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Puppies, Maggots and Snakes Oh My!

I work one day a week at my local gym. It’s good for me because it saves me the cost of my membership every month and I get a couple extra bucks spending cash.

I was hired to torture kids in the gym’s Kid’s Club. Garren, my four year old has found himself a friend there.  We’ll call him “Little D” unless his momma “Mrs. D” tells me it’s ok to use his name.

Now Garren having a friend means one thing to him and another thing to me. To him, he’s found himself a kindred spirit, to me, I need to clean my freaking house so I can have them over for a playdate. All right, I’ll admit it, Mrs. D is pretty cool to hang with too.

I asked pjdaddy to get my floor scrubber out of the garage for me so I can attempt to clean up the joint. Ok gnarly. Apparently this thing hasn’t been used in a while. My bad. Guess I’ll have to take it outside and hose it off. Know what comes out of things that have been stored in the garage for a long time?

^ THOSE! Those come out of your scrubber when you hose it off. Here in Florida they’re called, “Palmetto Bugs”. Palmetto Bugs my ass, those are roaches! COCKroaches. hhhhhmmmm, cock, that’s interesting, but I digress.

I got control of myself and I dealt with it. I finished cleaning that baby because I want to make my house all nice and purty.

I leave the scrubber outside to dry and come in and attempt to recover emotionally……….that is until Garren tells me there’s a worm on the floor.

A worm? That’s weird. Worms are icky, but I can deal with that. After stumbling upon, “The Nest”, I can handle anything, or so I thought. It wasn’t a worm on my floor. It was this:

Ok, there’s a possibility the maggot might not have been that big, but at the time, it sure seemed like it.

Gah. How the HELL am I supposed to clean that up? I do not want to get a papertowel and have that thing within a micromillimeter of my skin. {{{SHUDDER}}}

I scan the living room for ideas of what to do and that’s when I saw it………..my dear sweet puppy brought a little gift into the house.

A.Maggot.Infested.Snake.Carcass.

OMFG!

How am I supposed to get rid of that? I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call the police with all the shrieking I was doing. Hey, wait a minute, now that I think about it, I’m going to go yell at the neighbors for not calling the police!

^ This man could have been raping me! It would have been just awful. Don’t………….stop! Don’t…..stop! Ok, don’t stop.

Sorry, I had to slip a palate cleanser in there before I went on, now back to the snake. *sigh

I had no freaking idea how I was going to get that out of the house. I opened the back sliding glass door and the puppy decided to help me out. She picked that snake right back up and bounced out of the house, shaking maggots out the whole way.

I come back in the living room to survey the damage. There’s a good 10 of them on my living room floor. FUCK! Seriously, FUCK! This is just waaay too nasty. What the heck? Why does pjdaddy have to work? I need him for this.  I grabbed the vacuum cleaner and sucked them up.

I’m still debating whether or not to set the vacuum on fire.

Luckily, although not for Garren, “Little D” and his family have gone out of town for a month. This means I have a little more time to clean my bug infested home prior to any play dates.

“Mrs. D” however, found this little ditty in the Skymall magazine on her flight out and emailed it to me:

A bug vacuum.

Oh man, I know how to mow the lawn, I’ve got my little toy *cough, all I need is that bug vacuum and a jar opener and pjdaddy’s gonna be obsolete.

Okay, I should so NOT be here

I. Hurt. Everywhere.The Academy is working me hard mentally and physically. Tomorrow we have another run day, it’s supposed to be 100 degrees. Pray for me.

I should be shining my shoes, studying, or icing my stomach but I thought I would share this….I find myself laughing and drooling at the same time. Silver is the new Black!

gift giving is an art form

When my sis (PJM) gives a gift, a laugh is usually followed. Over the years I’ve acquired, His and Hers pillow cases courtesy of Ebay (she was outbid on the Clay Aiken pillow case – I’m not kidding), and a box of crap found around her house (I think PJM emptied her entire junk drawer and mailed it’s contents to me).

One of my favorites will always be my Anna doll….

While getting the mail today I found this

Now that is another classic PJM gift!

Her pain..I feel

Call me crazy, I don’t care! I once read in TimeLife books, a woman burned her arm and her sister, 30 miles away, felt a similar pain. Well, there was a strong breeze in San Diego and I think it was a hint of Fay. I grabbed the kids and ran in the house. It was a close call! Here is an image of the aftermath.

We are not going to batten down the hatches yet….I will keep you updated. Pray that we don’t lose power.

Why Don’t My Kids Go Down This Easy?

Is my voice that bad?

h/t courtesy of pjdaddy

clarification: the dude in the video is not pjdaddy. this is just a random youtube video making the rounds

Fishing without a license

Went to the beach to swim (about 5:30p) tonight. It’s nice because we are two miles away, so to jump in before dinner is not a big deal. The waves were a bit choppy but we managed, one wave got me though….I was getting pummeled. I recovered, but once up I felt something wiggling in between the upper half of my suit. What the …..????? I looked down, two fish! I caught TWO. Fish. In. My. Swimsuit. Mom mode kicked in and I showed Brodey and he got to hold the fish and then release  -it was quite neat to see.

After all the excitement, we sat and watched our son play in the sand for about 15 minutes and then it was time to get home. My husband got Brodey bathed, I poured more into my wine glass (from earlier) and then checked email. Time to shower for me and then it happened….. I pulled my suit down in the tub and out flopped another fish! Are you kidding me? I screamed, not sure why?…but I was shocked…Oh my, how long have I been walking around with a fish in my suit, ew! We figured at least 45 minutes. Gross. (please save all your “smells like fish jokes” not interested)

We got rid of it properly though….thank goodness for boys!

[update] as you can tell by the extremely clean shower walls, this is kare-kare’s post, not pajama momma’s